OSS Infiltrates Alaska State Legislature

Coarse Grind – Humor/Satire


Document suggests federal sabotage has rendered Legislature feckless

Grinder News has uncovered a declassified government document that strongly suggests the federal Office of Strategic Services has infiltrated and sabotaged the Alaska State Legislature. The OSS has been described as the precursor to the CIA and has been believed to be defunct for some 71 years, however the 1944 document on sabotage suggests the organization is alive and well in the halls of the Capitol.

The 1944 document, entitled “Simple Sabotage Field Manual” appears to be clear evidence of an Alaska infiltration. Pages 28 and 29 of the document are particularly telling. Here are a few excerpts under the general heading “General Interference with Organizations and Production.

“Make ‘speeches.’ Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your ‘points’ by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate ‘patriotic’ comments.” NOTE: This form of sabotage is evident in almost every committee hearing or floor session, but is most prevalent on the floor during “Special Orders,” which are often out of order and almost never particularly special.

“When possible, refer all matters to committees, for ‘further study and consideration.’ Attempt to make the committees as large as possible – never less than five.” NOTE: In fairness a legislative body is beholden to the committee process, but this particular sabotage is more evident when the committees form special committees, councils and study groups ... a lot.

“Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.” NOTE: No note necessary.

“Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.” NOTE: This form of sabotage in the legislature almost always results in imprecise and nonsensical definitions.

“Be worried about the propriety of any decision – raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.” NOTE: This attempted sabotage has miserably failed; the Legislature recognizes no higher echelon.

Under the subheading, “Managers and Supervisors:”

“’Misunderstand’ orders. Ask endless questions or engage in long correspondence about such orders. Quibble over them when you can.” NOTE: In the case of the Alaska State Legislature it’s questionable whether or not the word “misunderstand” should or shouldn’t be in quotes. When one member doesn’t believe in inflation and another believes there is still $2 billion to be gleaned from oil taxes it’s hard to know if it’s good acting or bad thinking.

“In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that the important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers or poor machines.” NOTE: No note required.

“To lower morale and with it, productivity, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.” NOTE: Google Peter Principle.

“Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.” NOTE: No note required.

The Alaska State Legislature has passed myriad highly-effective resolutions crying foul on federal overreach. Several federal offices, the White House and members of Congress have complained that there is little room left in their waste baskets and shredders. While there are probably hundreds more resolutions queued up for this session, the issue of OSS sabotage should certainly be added to the pile.